One DARK STORMY NIGHT, a
twirling tornado ruined a mansion as colossal as a skyscraper. Crash! The cupboard fell onto
the slippery, mushy ground.
The next morning. I was
walking to school. I saw a wrecked mansion. Unhurriedly I strode to it and when
I opened the cupboard door…
“Aaaaaarrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh!” I screamed
A luminous green hand, with
long sharp nails, pulled me in it ate me.
My mum came rushing. The school
lessons were over. She looked everywhere. Out of the corner of her eye she saw
a cupboard, she opened it. She was eaten…
I liked how you set the scene at the beginning and your use of short sentences helps to reinforce drama. I would like you to think of another word for 'unhurriedly'. There's a comma missing in the luminious green sentence, where? Mrs. Weeks
ReplyDeleteI think the missing comma is luminous,green and you also might need a capital letter for Green.
DeleteKerry
That certainly was a creepy cupboard Kelly and Eva! I loved your use of the word 'luminous', what a great vocabulary choice! I also liked your simile 'As colossal as a sky scraper'.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great writing!