“Mum I can’t
find my football kit!”
“Well look
in the cupboard”
Hi I’m
Ashley, as you can tell I love football, today is my special football
tournament and I can’t find my kit ,basically I can’t find anything in my room
because my room is a muddle, my mum is so annoying because she never helps me
find my stuff I know what you’re thinking , tidy my room. Well it’s not easy. I will look in the
cupboard and there it is my kit. wow it’s a whirl pool. “ahhhhhhhhhhh! ”
“mum mum
mum” I think I will die (WHAT HAPPENS
NEXT)…
I like the way you talk to your reader.. I know what you're thinking. Next time think of another word for stuff. Well done girls. Mrs. Weeks
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story and particularly the way you have used the 'writer's voice' to talk to the reader. I can picture your room! and this was possible because of your descriptive writing. Read over to check for punctuation- this helps the reader with the story flow.
ReplyDeleteKeep up your writing
John C
Australia